ON DETACHMENT – FROM POSSESSIONS TO PEOPLE OR VV

I LOVE, ADORE, ENJOY, NEED, WANT TO KEEP FOREVER  the things I own and the people who are dear to me.

Does this describe you? Be honest, give it some thought.

It used to describe me, still does at times. Letting go is tough.

Some of us are deeply attached to things, some to people, often some to both things and people. When we lose someone we love our world comes crashing down, we fall to pieces. If we lose a favourite possession, it can cast a shadow on our life and affect our mood for days. Life means Loss as well as Love – even the Loss of Love, the breaking-up of a friendship, the break-in of a house, the loss of health and vitality, the loss of youth and innocence; life as we experience it, is in constant mutation. Everything is in a state of flux.

“Change is the only constant in this world.” The Bhagwad Gita

The more we fight change, the more we resist, the more we suffer….and boy, have we suffered?

I thought I was pretty well adjusted having grown up in different cities, different schools, moving every few months, having to settle and make new friends, at times even losing treasured possessions during the moves etc. and yet, I yearned for roots and was deeply attached to a few people and a few things.

Things break or get lost, people move on, people betray your trust, your friendship, some leave the world, some decide to leave. Where does this leave you?

Pretty much down in the dumps. Your world is shattered, life seems to hold no meaning.

Why did this have to happen, of all people, to me? What have I done to deserve this? I am such a “good” person!

Why? Why? Why? I cannot remember the innumerable times this tape has played on in my pretty little head, when I lost a loved one, when I lost my precious stuff, when my home was burgled or my brand new car stolen, the loss of friends I treasured, people who simply left for one reason or another, an illness, an accident…countless occasions of painfully experiencing loss. 

There is no simple direct answer to why? or why me?

Let’s try WHY NOT? WHY NOT ME?

I’m as good and as bad as the next person, unique but subject to the same fortunes and misfortunes unless I learn how to deal with my disasters and count my blessings and channel my energies into my own Personal Quest.

“ Often, it is pain and suffering that causes us to grow the most”.

 

As the years pass, I learn to live with loss, to accept the passing of things and people and events. I learn to accept life and face whatever it brings with Joy and Serenity. I learn to meditate constantly, to channel my energies into intentionally seeking more Joy, into further growth. I learn to be grateful for whatever comes. Here, the miracles start unfolding, situations may seem the same from an objective point of view, at times even worse, but my world is no longer the same.

A case in point – my home was broken into a few years ago and the robbers took away most of my jewellery, part of my family heritage. It took me months to get over the disgust at the invasion of privacy, to accept the loss, to recover from the feeling of vulnerability and fear, to sleep without waking at the slightest noise. For weeks I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and felt very unsafe in my own home.

I shifted away all my remaining precious stuff away from home and as the years went by I realised that I wasn’t enjoying what I had. As I regained my normal optimisim and faith in life, I started bringing things back into the house and began to use and enjoy what I owned. In the ups and downs of life my Quest continued and I grew as a person besides growing older and definitely wiser, I like to say.

A few months ago my home was broken into again and I suffered the loss of valuables and family heirlooms again. The buggers even took away some of my clothes! Again that feeling of helplessness and wrenching in the pit of my stomach, nausea, fear, vulnerability. It lasted all of two days, with a few more days to completely absorb the shock. I realised that I was not using what had been stolen, valuable though it was. Strangely enough, the jewellery I loved and used almost on a daily basis was left behind though it had been in full sight of anyone searching the house. 

This is when it hit me: ‘Use it or lose it.’

Things, skills, capabilities, memory, our brain, and even people….nurture lovingly what is in your life or it will leave, languish in disuse or die of a broken heart. I even blessed the items extracted from my possession hoping they were of use to someone. Now that, in my book, is definite progress.

Within a few months of the second robbery, the house was broken into again during my absence. What was taken this time round? Nothing that I can put a hand on so far, nothing I am missing. Was I sick? No. Irritated? Yes, quite a bit about the mess they left and enough to put prominent signs over all entry points requesting them to leave us in peace seeing they have already stolen the valuables and I have no wish to clean up again after them, with thanks for their consideration, with love and blessings!

Why is this? Does my home no longer contain items that I treasure or love or items that would still fetch a “price” on the market? It is still a home, it contains my possessions even though the “pricey” ones are gone. I still treasure some of what remains. It is just that I have detached to a great degree. I have accepted the fact that my home may be targeted again in today’s worsening crime situation. I cannot afford to live with fear as a constant companion, with worrying about when and if someone may break in again. This is a conscious Decision reached after a long-long process. 

As a human, these emotions remain and resurface every now and then but my Journey is teaching me to detach more, to face my fears and worries and say: “So what? I have lived through so much, I can handle it.”

"How many things have I outgrown, lost, been robbed of, had destroyed; ideas, people, things, moments… Look at me. I have survived. Here I am, not only ready for more of life but happy to share the lesson and the wisdom.”

"This too shall pass."

 

Try affirming this aloud…I know that all of you have been through really rough situations.

This kind of detachment brings Freedom, Serenity and a deep-rooted sense of self-confidence. 

God made us capable, He has gifted and blessed us to get through it all. He stands by us. All we need to do is have faith and seek our path.

May God Bless us All!

THE IMPORTANCE OF PRUNING

We have been brought up to obey and respect our parents and teachers, stand up to our responsibilities and do our duty. This is specialy true for women who have been created with an inbuilt system of sacrificing themselves for their families. A Wonderful trait that at times becomes detrimental to our wellbeing. If taken to the extreme, it can actually create deep rooted serious ailments in the body.

Obedience and respect to superiors and figures of authority and I’d say everyone we meet is a good thing as long as it does not contrast with your own basic needs and personal value system. 

Respect for all is a fundamental rule to live by when respected by all sides. If someone expects you to respect them without respecting you in the bargain, we are talking about a flawed relationship that takes the overtones of dominance, slavery, dictatorship….call it what your will. Ouch!

Having a healthy Responsibility towards our family and doing one’s scared duty of loyally looking after people we are in touch with is an amazing trait and commendable. I have an extremely strong sense of loyalty and duty which kept me loyal and “available” to a number of people. I was always there for them, my shoulder was ready to support anyone in need. I would rearrange my plans to help out when they called. Always. Commendable. I would hear them cry and howl and rave and rant about the injustices of the world and life and their life in particular and how much they were suffering and I was there to help and soothe their sorrows away, the reliable friend in need always ready with words of solace and encouragement and pep talks. I felt guilty when I could not be there for them and the rare times this did happen, the persons involved did not hesitate to point it out, one way or another, thus increasing my guilt.

Emotional blackmail is a monster! Beware!

This went on until I realsied that I was being pulled down by the enormous weight of their negative outlook, their constant complaining, crying, seeking solace. What’s more, their good moments were spent with other friends…. I was the spare tyre, so to speak, to be used in emergencies which never seemed to cease. My own negative moments were beginning to outnumber the positive ones and what’s funny, these people complained about this too! I was slowly and steadily becoming the one in need of support to keep afloat. Besides this, I wasn’t getting anywhere with my own life plans. Not only was I not making any progress, I was being slowed down and pulled into a vortex of non-productivity. When well-wishers tried to warn me about cutting down my availability and concentrating on my own goals, I was horrified, I mean, “How can you not help someone who evidently needs you and is asking for your help? That’s what friends are for!” 

A lot of reflection later I realised that I am not responsible for other people’s lives and moods and attitudes. Yes, it is my mission to help, to be a reliable friend in need but this has to be healthily balanced with what they are prepared to do to get out of the rut. I am not their psycologist. If they need pyschological support, it is available (at a fee) from people much more qualified. 

My time and energies are precious and need to be conserved for following my dreams and plans. My first and foremost duty is towards my own self, my Purpose in being here, my Wellbeing. Only if my cup is full can I generously help others but if they keep siphoning off my energies faster than I can recover them it is only because I have allowed them to do so out of a false sense of ‘being there’. This may feed my Ego for a while but it empties out my vital life force. Another thing I became aware of is that I wasn’t really helping them get out, I was simply prolonging their wallowing in misery. A very sobering thought indeed!

Thus started my Journey towards my own Empowerment and Wellbeing. Just like a gardener I started trimmimg the deadwood, pruning the extra branches, pulling out weeds that feed off the nutrients, relationships that do not nurture me, people who do not sustain me. I learned to say no, gently and firmly. 

This is not being selfish, it is self-Love and there is a world of a difference.

I am really fortunate to have had friends and family who have sustained me through this messy and painful process (energy vampires do not take too kindly to being unhooked) and it has been a long, roller coaster ride. My well-wishers have been present, encouraging me, supporting me and helping me become who I am today, a better human being, someone who wishes to ‘BE THERE’ for a lot more people, inspiring them to be better, to get out of the rut where required, learning to stand up on their own, to be more, to give more.

Our time is too precious to waste tending to deadwood, allowing the weeds to  suffocate the plants of our existence. Our energies are better used in creating a marvellous garden. 

   

                            

May we all dedicate ourselves to tending our own beautiful gardens, pruning where necessary and pulling out the weeds! 

This has also led to detachment….and freedom.

God Bless!

ON FRIENDS

FRIENDS WHO PUSH YOU TO DO YOUR BEST

FRIENDS WHO UNDERSTAND YOU

FRIENDS WHO PRAY FOR YOU

FRIENDS WHO STAND BY YOU

FRIENDS WHO PULL YOUR EARS AND SMACK YOU ON YOUR BACKSIDE IF THE NEED BE

FRIENDS WHO ARE NOT AFRAID TO POINT OUT WHAT IS RIGHT AND WHAT ISN’T, KNOWING YOU MAY GET MAD, KNOWING YOU MAY LEAVE, AND THEY WILL STILL BE THERE WAITING FOR YOU

FRIENDS WHO LET YOU WORK IT OUT KNOWING IT WILL BE TOUGH BUT YOU NEED THE LESSON

FRIENDS WHO LOVE YOU. NO MATTER WHAT.

This one is dedicated to my friends. I am blessed to have some of the most beautiful souls in the world  as friends and my deep heartfelt gratitude goes out for them, all of them, every single one,

I am grateful also to all the people who have touched my life, helping me grow, some even reminding me not to be like them!

My prayers go out for all my friends and acquaintances, may they all be blessed with good, with abundance, with love, with strength, with prosperity, with understanding and great friendships.

God Bless!

A FEW THOUGHTS ON DONATING

We hope that all of you have made your donations to your favourite cause/chaity/church or simply given some help to someone poor who can do with some extra cash for basic necessities. No one is going to check whether you have made a donation or not; it is between you and your conscience.

This program is yours even if you do not give anything to anyone for it, but we warmly advise you to make a donation, however small, whatever you can afford. We guarantee that the rewards will be multiplied!

Some of you may think, “I barely have enough for myself, I can barely get by, I cannot afford to add another expense right now.” I used to whine about a cash crunch during one phase of my life – and when I was asked to go and make  a donation to the poor, or a “tithe” ie. constantly giving a part of one’s income, traditionally a 10%, to a good cause, the problem was that I did not have any incoming income!

Between paying the rent, the utilities, bills, insurance, food, basic ameneties etc. from my contingency fund, there wasn’t anything left  to  make any kind of donations and my fist was very tightly shut.

I used to hope and pray that no unexpected expense should creep in to ensure we did not fall off our tightrope budget balance and invariably something or the other would require paying more.

Perhaps, some of you have been through this sometime, though I sincerely hope not. I was told to “tithe” whatever I could, even a few coins and to do it with prayer and intention. It took a while to get this message into my hard head (knock, knock) but eventually, (quite doubtfully and unwillingly with loads of resistance, I admit) I did. The letting go of those few coins was transformational and magical. It wasn’t so hard I thought and I actualy felt lighter! So, I started putting aside the small change from my wallet after grocery shopping etc. into a small container placed on the top of my fridge, the really tiny coins, the lightest ones to start with and once every few days I would drop them off at my local church with a prayer asking that this cash be used to do good and requesting that it come back multiplied. The effect of this was life-transforming. I learnt or rather re-learnt to give as I easily as I would during my days of pleanty, when there wasn’t a global crisis and no cash crunch. The thing is that I never really missed the small change I donated eventually graduating to bigger amounts.

I was told that I could even start with donating my time to volunteer work and service, give away gently used clothes, or items that I no longer used  but that eventually I would have to part with my cash energy. There is a very powerful “boomerang” effect when you learn to constantly donate your hard earned cash. Like the rest, it simply returns multiplies – tried and tested personally.

Giving allows you to receive, helping open your channels. It is like eating – the food gets processed, then watse is created for expulsion but if we do not expel…. Incidentally, people who are stingy and miserly often seem to suffer from constipation. If you have any such problems, besides getting medical advise where required, do think where you are being ‘tight’…what are you not giving to who? Think about what happens to a body that has problems expelling, the toxins build up eventually causing disease.

Therefore, please do allow wealth and abundance to flow through you towards those less fortunate. Give what you can, when you can. You will be surprised at how beautifully this principle works in your life bringing immense abundance.

Today I am grateful and really blessed in being able to donate constantly without having to think about it. I hope and pray that I will be able to donate larger amounts as time goes by.

For those of you who are already in tune, wonderful!

May we all be blessed with Infinite Abundance!