Babysteps towards Wellness: ON DETACHMENT – FROM POSSESSIONS TO PEOPLE OR VV

I LOVE, ADORE, ENJOY, NEED, WANT TO KEEP FOREVER the things I own and the people who are dear to me.

Does this describe you? Be honest, give it some thought.

It used to describe me, still does at times. Letting go is tough.

Some of us are deeply attached to things, some to people, often some to both things and people. When we lose someone we love our world comes crashing down, we fall to pieces. If we lose a favourite possession, it can cast a shadow on our life and affect our mood for days. Life means Loss as well as Love – even the Loss of Love, the breaking-up of a friendship, the break-in of a house, the loss of health and vitality, the loss of youth and innocence; life as we experience it, is in constant mutation. Everything is in a state of flux.

“Change is the only constant in this world.” The Bhagwad Gita

The more we fight change, the more we resist, the more we suffer….and boy, have we suffered?

I thought I was pretty well adjusted having grown up in different cities, different schools, moving every few months, having to settle and make new friends, at times even losing treasured possessions during the moves etc. and yet, I yearned for roots and was deeply attached to a few people and a few things.

Things break or get lost, people move on, people betray your trust, your friendship, some leave the world, some decide to leave. Where does this leave you?

Pretty much down in the dumps. Your world is shattered, life seems to hold no meaning.

Why did this have to happen, of all people, to me? What have I done to deserve this? I am such a “good” person!

Why? Why? Why? I cannot remember the innumerable times this tape has played on in my pretty little head, when I lost a loved one, when I lost my precious stuff, when my home was burgled or my brand new car stolen, the loss of friends I treasured, people who simply left for one reason or another, an illness, an accident…countless occasions of painfully experiencing loss.

There is no simple direct answer to why? or why me?

Let’s try WHY NOT? WHY NOT ME?

I’m as good and as bad as the next person, unique but subject to the same fortunes and misfortunes unless I learn how to deal with my disasters and count my blessings and channel my energies into my own Personal Quest.

“ Often, it is pain and suffering that causes us to grow the most”.

As the years pass, I learn to live with loss, to accept the passing of things and people and events. I learn to accept life and face whatever it brings with Joy and Serenity. I learn to meditate constantly, to channel my energies into intentionally seeking more Joy, into further growth. I learn to be grateful for whatever comes. Here, the miracles start unfolding, situations may seem the same from an objective point of view, at times even worse, but my world is no longer the same.

A case in point – my home was broken into a few years ago and the robbers took away most of my jewellery, part of my family heritage. It took me months to get over the disgust at the invasion of privacy, to accept the loss, to recover from the feeling of vulnerability and fear, to sleep without waking at the slightest noise. For weeks I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and felt very unsafe in my own home.

I shifted away all my remaining precious stuff away from home and as the years went by I realised that I wasn’t enjoying what I had. As I regained my normal optimisim and faith in life, I started bringing things back into the house and began to use and enjoy what I owned. In the ups and downs of life my Quest continued and I grew as a person besides growing older and definitely wiser, I like to say.

A few months ago my home was broken into again and I suffered the loss of valuables and family heirlooms again. The buggers even took away some of my clothes! Again that feeling of helplessness and wrenching in the pit of my stomach, nausea, fear, vulnerability. It lasted all of two days, with a few more days to completely absorb the shock. I realised that I was not using what had been stolen, valuable though it was. Strangely enough, the jewellery I loved and used almost on a daily basis was left behind though it had been in full sight of anyone searching the house.

This is when it hit me: ‘Use it or lose it.’

Things, skills, capabilities, memory, our brain, and even people….nurture lovingly what is in your life or it will leave, languish in disuse or die of a broken heart. I even blessed the items extracted from my possession hoping they were of use to someone. Now that, in my book, is definite progress.

Within a few months of the second robbery, the house was broken into again during my absence. What was taken this time round? Nothing that I can put a hand on so far, nothing I am missing. Was I sick? No. Irritated? Yes, quite a bit about the mess they left and enough to put prominent signs over all entry points requesting them to leave us in peace seeing they have already stolen the valuables and I have no wish to clean up again after them, with thanks for their consideration, with love and blessings!

Why is this? Does my home no longer contain items that I treasure or love or items that would still fetch a “price” on the market? It is still a home, it contains my possessions even though the “pricey” ones are gone. I still treasure some of what remains. It is just that I have detached to a great degree. I have accepted the fact that my home may be targeted again in today’s worsening crime situation. I cannot afford to live with fear as a constant companion, with worrying about when and if someone may break in again. This is a conscious Decision reached after a long-long process.

As a human, these emotions remain and resurface every now and then but my Journey is teaching me to detach more, to face my fears and worries and say: “So what? I have lived through so much, I can handle it.”

"How many things have I outgrown, lost, been robbed of, had destroyed; ideas, people, things, moments… Look at me. I have survived. Here I am, not only ready for more of life but happy to share the lesson and the wisdom.”